So beautiful Myriah. Thank you. I was hoping you'd chime in :) Your beautiful words and honesty have brought tears to me. So, maybe there's peace if we are truly done building our families?

Thank you Myriah, for sharing your heart with us. I found it very encouraging and thought-provoking.

My thing is....I wish I had 3, but I wish I had them now :( I only have 2! I am so jealous (in a good way) of my friends who are already "finished" with 3. To think about starting over at 36 or 37 would be tough...for us! We should have started having children earlier. That is probably my only regret in life....

Jennyb

Thank you Myriah, that was beautiful insight and very inspiring for me personally. That is what I have been trying to explain to my husband (unsuccessfully), that I feel we should be open to more, and if we are blessed with more we should rejoice in that and not worry about the logistics of raising yet another baby. It is so much more than that for me. It about giving myself over to accepting the gift that God is giving me, to allow him to create life in me and put faith in me to nurture and raise that child. I feel so awful when I say out loud that we don't want any right now, because we can't afford it, or I am too tired with the two, or .... I say many things and give many reasons, and always feel guilty as soon as the words escape me. It really shouldn't be my decision should it? I mean if a higher authority thinks I am capable, why do I feel the need to argue that? you are so in touch with your spiritual self, Myriah, I hope you truly know the impact you have on those around you (like myself).

My thing is....I wish I had 3, but I wish I had them now :( I only have 2! I am so jealous (in a good way) of my friends who are already "finished" with 3. To think about starting over at 36 or 37 would be tough...for us! We should have started having children earlier. That is probably my only regret in life....

Jennyb

Jenny, I think about this a lot. I am glad we did all we did before having children, I think I am a better mother now than I could have been earlier in my life. But, when I think about how many children we could have age becomes a factor. I am really grateful for the fertility struggle we had actually, because had I not figured out on my own that I didn't ovulate we would have put off starting a family until around now probably. I think it was a big kick in the pants to get us started. I'm only 30, but I would like my children spaced a bit. So, we'll have another for sure but a fourth starts pushing my numbers a bit I'm afraid. I guess that brings me back to reflecting on Myriah's words.

Like Myriah, I have really tried to open to God's will in my life, especially with this baby coming. I was not planning on this one being here so soon, but God opened my heart, I bent the NFP 'rules', voila, #3. We cannot imagine this being the last. I am only 31 now, and since fertility has been an easy path for us, I wouldn't be surprised wth a Cuatro and Cinco someday.

I have been thinking about this alot with so many gasping when I say this is my third, being a Catholic who really wants to embrace NFP (even with having 3 already), and my SIL recently having #2 and prompting sending hubby off for his snip.

The part that gets to me, after having two girls who are SO different in personality and looks, is that #3 will not be just #3, but a totally unique person that I truly believe is sent to have a purpose in our family. With Lu, I have always said, "unfortunately for you, you fit in this family." With LI, it has been totally different, I find myself saying "Everyone, be good for Lila." Lu is more wild and loud, dramatic, like Jarred and I, and Lila is more calm and quiet, and we find ourselves trying to live up to her example. Even though we are all so different, there is still this strong sense that we all belong together from some reason. I feel that with my husband too. We work together and b/c of that have more than our share of issues to fuss about and we are just stubborn in general, but no matter how pissed I get, I know just can't live without him. We met and got engaged within 5 months. I just knew we were supposed to be together. Alot of the time, I question that, but, we have learned alot from each other the past 7 years.

So, I wonder all the time about how the new baby will fit in and regardless boy/girl, what qualities they will bring to continue our journey of 'faith and family'. Will I see my own stubborness and be envious of the ability to be openly loving like from Lucie or like Lila will the new baby be quietly sweet and such a pleaser, doing everything that momma asks? The fun part is, I knwo that #3 will probably be totally different, yet somehow, be a perfect fit for what we all need in our family. Probably influences we didn't even know we were missing.

If babies were just a blank slate you can mold into your will, it would just be the decision of 'do I want to do that again?". But to me, it is being given a new person to bless our world and marvel at their uniqueness, beyond girl/boy/blond/brunette, and try not to fool too much with what God gave them to bring to this world. What a HUGE responsibility? That is way bigger than money or time or patience or sleep.

To mem that is why it is hard to quit. It can become addictive meeting a new person you are guaranteed to love and probably feel like you couldn't live without once they is here.

I pray that my husband and I are on the same page, and pray that I just know when it is time to stop and feel that confidence that I see in other women and like some of you here in this thread. It give me hope that the calling to quit will come someday, and it will be time to move on to other goals and journeys that God has in store for our family. While I am committed to NFP, I dont think that having babies is all God has in store for women. AND just because we aren't doing the newborn, breastfeeding, up all night with teethers, doesn't mean Mommas wont be busy with #1 or #1 and 2 or #1-5 dealing with boy problems, girl problems, clothing issues, driving to sports issues, college issues, etc etc etc. A Momma's work moves on regardless, of that we can be assured.

Thank you, Myriah...I like that answer. It's such a hard question!

I've had to figure out a way to accept the Lord's path when I thought another baby was what I wanted and He decided differently. This has been tough, but I remember during Engaged Encounter the leaders reminded us that being open involves both being open to babies and also being open if God decides to bless you in other ways. We easily got pregnant with our two, and who knows, but since I turn 40 this fall it's seeming like we have our wonderful blessings and are done. I am sure that extended breastfeeding and co-sleeping has probably diminished our chances at another but I was unwilling to change my parenting style to try to control the universe!

Honestly if I thought we were "done" I would be extremely sad. I love being pregnant, I love giving birth, I love breastfeeding a newborn, I love watching the older brothers and sisters with the new baby. That being said, I have to appreciate the four beautiful blessings that God has already given us. If I were to have my way we'd have a baby every two years from now until I am about 45 and then we'd adopt some more after that, haha. But I know it doesn't always work exactly how we want it to.

I do understand the mourning not being pregnant anymore feeling. I felt that way with my first. It took us 5 years to conceive him and I did not think I would ever be pregnant again, so I was very sad to not be pregnant any longer.

Our #4 is six months old now and I still feel very much like she is a young baby. Currently I have no signs of fertility - Lucia still exclusively nurses 8 million times a day and big sister Caterina nurses about 4 million times a day, so no fertility for me for a while I think. But I know when it returns I will have baby fever all over again. :)