A couple weeks ago I was told by a few different members of this group as they were leaving that we were too Cliquish. At first this bothered me alot because I took it as very insulting. I have been dwelling on this for the past couple weeks because I really want us to be an available resource for anybody. I have always said that even if someone comes here and only learns to say no to being induced and goes on to have a medicated birth we have done something good. I have never hoped that we would become an exclusive group of homebirthers. I do however love that I have found a group of woman that I can openly talk about homebirth with. As I have been dwelling on the unhappy and offended members who left I have been analysing what we have become. Who attends the meetups, who is regularly posting and what it really means to be cliquish.

The webster definition of Cliquish is as follows:
"a narrow exclusive circle or group of persons; especially : one held together by common interests, views, or purposes"

I don't see the negative insult that I first did. We are a group of woman with common interest, views, and a purpose, we are an exclusive circle in the sense we are a natural birth group, within that umbrella there are a lot of even more exclusive groups. There are those of us who are homebirthers, those whom have given birth in the water, those whom have had to endure pit cntrx without pain meds, those that had some kind of pain meds at some point during labor, those that have had c-sections, and those that have VBAC'd. What is wrong with connecting with like minded people and forming a friendship that to others may seem cliquish? That is what I have been racking my brain about.......should I feel bad that I have finally found woman that I can relate to that I have something in common with? I think the problem comes when someone that has not had the same birh as me feels like I am being snobish. This is not at all the case it is simply that I might not know how to relate to that experience. I have only had natural births so it is hard for me to talk with someone who has had an epidural or a section and really relate to their experience. I am not in a place where I feel my birth was better .. just different.

So what is a solution?

I dont' want us to be all inclusive and only talk about the generalities in birth. I want woman to come here and find what I have found... friends. That is the whole purpose of this meetup group, to meet like minded people. To be able to say what you really feel about your birth or birth in general, a safe place to be honest, open, and real. Another purpose is to be able to access resources for midwives, doctors, tub rental, etc. This is available and without any catches, we don't require that someone attend meetups and we don't make them read the MB. Anyone is welcome to our resource pages and anyone is welcome to utilize the MB for whatever birth related (or parenting) problem they have.

As for meetups that catar to the masses....what if we had more exclusive meetups that dealt with different types of birth. For instance if we had meetups that were open for Homebrithers and another open to VBAC or Sections, another for hospital birthers. This would allow everyone in attendance to have something in common other than just supporting natural birth.

What are your thoughts???

I think the mission of the group is explained clearly. It has created a network of very passionate individuals and it seems to work really well. There is absolutely nothing wrong with focusing exclusively on natural birth. Reminding people to be accepting and to consider how their words may sound when viewed or heard by members from different background is really the only issue.

I think the group is best suited to informing women for future births, not necessarily accommodating past birth history. If everyone is focused primarily on improving natural birth options, then mothers who have had c-sections, inductions or medicated births can contribute to the same discussions as the homebirthers. No reason to break them up.

People will be offended along the way, but hopefully it can be minimized with open discussion.

Change the format of the message board so people can read/post on topics that interest them, and subsequently avoid topics they have no interest in.

There is sooooo much good info on here, it needs to be better organized so it can be easily accessed. Topics like:

Vaxing
Bfeeding
VBAC
Home Birth
Pediatircians
Birth Stories
Activism
Some of these are already done, just in the files section, which needs to be updated as well.

Andrea brings up a very important point. There is A LOT to sift through. Though I am interested in almost all of it, it would be easier if I could easily access what I'm MOST interested in.

I agree switching to forum view would help with finding information...I brought this up a while back but those that commented didn't want to make the change. I wanted to leave it up to the members cause there are some downsides to forum view..such as not being able to see if a folder has new post until you actually open that folder. I can make a poll and see what the majority wants.

Thanks Sarah, for you input. I think we do help those prepping for a natural birth, not only by providing resources and information but by sharing our own stories and experiences. I also think the purpose of this group is to meet like minded people and have a place to talk about the things we have in common. Until becoming active in this group I did not have a core group of friends that I could have real discussions with, things that really mattered to me. I think for those of us who are not prepping for an upcoming birth but are still "birth junkies" it's just as important to get together. I don't mean to split it up per say...only to add more meetups that will allow for more spefic topics. I had someone ask me this past weekend to hold a homebirth meetup for those of us who are homebirthers to be able to talk openly about our own homebirths, past or future. I figure those who have had sections, or are planning to have a hospital birh can also benefit from meetups geared towards their specific births. It is hard when we are all together at say a coffee meetup to cover all different types of birth.....if the majority of us there have had homebirths and only one person there has had a section there is a chance that one person can feel left out of the conversation.

I am still interested in keeping our monthly coffee nights and hoping to start doing a monthly brunch as well. I was thinking of adding a homebirth meetup every couple months, and if others are interested we could also do a VBAC meetup for those who have had sections. I would like for one of our VBAC members to host this so it will be exclusive to those who share this birth experience.

There's an option to "Track this discussion" so you'd be notified if someone responded to your post or your response. I'm not sure how that works, I've never used it before, prolly just an email saying so and so has replied in a thread..... I'll check the little box this time and see what happens.

There's also an option at the top of the message list to "track this message board" meaning every time there's a new post, you'll get an email notification. Again, maybe not everyone is interested in every topic..... but those of us who are "cliquish" and want to read it all will have that option....

The search function looses some things, I was trying to look back at different times to find where we've discussed something a while back but someone is asking about it again and it seems the discussion gets lost.... I don't find it using the search......

I say we make the change to forum view.

I don't think splitting up birth groups would matter much. There used to be ICAN meetings which helped women process their c-sections. I'm not sure what happened to those. But I don't see this group taking on a role like that.

Natural birth, as limited as it is, is broad enough for the group.

And when I think about the whole Cliquish attitude, there are PUG meetups, for crying out loud! Not just dogs, not just small dogs, but PUGS. Pug meetup groups! And as it turns out, people are flocking to that exclusive cliquish group because the largest meetup group ever is a Pug meetup!

And when I think about the whole Cliquish attitude, there are PUG meetups, for crying out loud! Not just dogs, not just small dogs, but PUGS. Pug meetup groups! And as it turns out, people are flocking to that exclusive cliquish group because the largest meetup group ever is a Pug meetup!

LOL. Myriah!

It seems that if you come to the actual face to face meetings, you find we're a very eclectic and inclusive group. We talk a lot, yeah, but we're always happy to see a new face. Heck, we even get happy when husbands come! We love the hubbies at Meetups! Could it be that those who are talking about how cliquish we are didn't come to any actual face to face meetings?

So maybe the solution is to encourage attendance at the actual meetings a bit more. They did something cool with the National Novel Writing Month. If you came to face to face gatherings, you got fun stickers. Maybe we could give out pouches of lavender or something when you come to a Meetup.

A

This is shat I got in my email this morning..... not too hard to track discussions, eh? it's just like fb; when someone comments, you get an email with a link back to fb......

And yes, without giving to much credence to silly name calling, if women came to meet-up, they'd have a whole new level of getting to know each other. The friendships I've made at meetups have enriched my life immensely, what can I say, I just love you girls!

*Please do not reply to this message*
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LOUISIANA NATURAL BIRTH

****** NEW DISCUSSION ******
Forum: The Louisiana Natural Birth Meetup Group Discussion Forum
Discussion: At the risk of being "Cliquish"
http://www.meetup.com...
Latest message by andreadoula on November 24, 2009 at 10:55 PM



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