I really don't like losing friends over the natural birth isssue. This is why I don't advertise that I'm the founder of a natural birth group. I try to be friendly and just share my experience and offer information. But sometimes, people are set on being adversarial and putting me into this extremist box.

I have a highschool friend on facebook that seriously thought that I and all my friends would rather see her die and her baby starve than have her undergo an emergency c-section and use formula when she couldn't produce enough milk. My God! Am I such a horrible monster? Why would anyone ever befriend me if I seriously thought that way?

I just don't get it.

Very well said Whitney!!!! I wish other moms like you knew how respected they are by mothers like me who did go natural. YOU had to be stronger than we ever had to be. I hope I am relaying my message correctly here....

Thanks, Whitney. That does help and it confirms what I suspected from the beginning. She and I are still friends. We went back and forth discussing our stories and I assured her I wasn't trying to shut down hospitals or make formula illegal.
Still, there was one point I just couldn't let go of. She said studies have proven that c-section is the safest way for a baby to be birthed, but at the cost of the mother!?! Where are these studies? This totally astounded me because if you're not concerned about the risks of cessarian, then there's really no point in being alarmed by the 33%+ national section rate, or the epidural rate, or the lack of support of natural birth, or anything that all of us are working for.
I kindly asked her where she got that information because I've always heard the opposite and she gave me this:
"There have been many studies trying to find out which is the safest way to have a baby. At this time, there is no proof that having a C-section is safer or protects against future problems with leaking urine or stool, or uterine prolapse. Because there are more medical risks for women who have a C-section compared to women who have a vaginal birth, vaginal birth is safer." -- Medscape.com
AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!

npr had a nice section the other day about vaginal births being safer I was pleasantly surprised.

i just had a problem with this the other day. I'm going to paste the relevant FB convo.

me: watching a live broadcast of a birth...so disppointed in the women's "support".

her: yer such a weirdo!

me: I am not. Sorry but I think people who sign up for drugs without even experiencing birth for the wonderful thing it is are weird. I see those who give over the most basic thing we can do as a woman as wierd. Laying in bed numb is weird to me. Strapped down to a table is weird. We are humans and not machines. Our bodies are made to do this, that power is being taken away.

her: ok, chill. I like drugs. I don't like pain. I eat processed food. i shave my legs, I take a bath. I don't enjoy seeing other people naked, it's a personal preference don't push it like a bible thumper and I won't either. YOUR BLOCKED BABY BYE BYE!!

me: Don't block me, just unfriend me.
Usually if someone posts something I don't agree with I would just ignore it because there is probably a part of the person that I do agree with. Or send them a private message about it.
I was just trying to start a conversation with like minded people who might also be watching the video. I've never met most of my like minded friends IRL, so this the one of the ways we communicate and share thoughts and ideas.
I don't agree with some things you do, but I would never poke fun of them or of you. I especially wouldn't make a mean comment on your FB page about something you feel passionate about.


I said something because I finally had enough of her smart comments on my posts. I usually just ignore her but this one was personal and totally uncalled for.

Background: she is a mom in my neighborhood that I planned playdates with when Jean was little. We stayed friends around the neighborhood planning stuff for kids to do and hanging out on our own. She is very insecure and makes fat comments about herself all the time. Tells everyone that I'm the pretty skinny friend and she is the fat ugly one. She and I do not share parenting or lifestyle ideas at all. She has cut my family's hair before.

Sorry she responded that way...but you are most likely better off without her as your friend. I do like what you said about how weird it is to not even want to experience the birth of your child. I don't mind that some woman want different things for their births, I know not everytone is going to give birth the way I did. I don't care if someone wants or gets an epidural...it is their choice. I just hate when women dont' even look into any other option...they go into labor ready to be taken out of it. Handing over the power of birth to the medical staff from the start is weird to me.

I have a "friend" who hasn't even talked to me since she's announced that she's preg again. I encouraged her with her last preg when she said she wanted to go natural to have someone go with her to the hospital (since she was going to Women's) and that she's going to be swimming upstream. Well, of course she ended up with an epidural because of lack of support; her baby was born 1 hour after she took the drugs.

She later said she had big regrets and that the staff MADE her lie still and the ctx hurt really bad then and she didn't think she could do it. I feel like 1 or 2 position changes, a backrub and a couple trips to the potty were all that was between her and having the natural birth she wanted....... I know that it's her feelings of inadequacy and anger with herself that are keeping her away, but it still hurts my feelings. I just hope if she needs my help, or anyone's help, that she'll ask for it this time and that she won't just give up on trying to achieve a natural birth.

It's funny that I "represent" these things in ppl's minds; natural birth and bf, and that that's what they think of when they see me. I'm more than that.

I've been defriended a few times....well maybe a lot actually....by those 'other' people. I'm with Nicole, don't respond if you don't agree. I never reposnd to a 'friends' post if its something I don't agree with. Not worth getting into a fight over...but when they respond to my posts, I find it very hurtful. You just can't please everyone.....

I love a good debate...especially about birth. I welcome the opposition to put thier view out there, I don't usually get offened when someone has a different opinion. I wish others would give me the same respect, we can agree to disagree and there is no harm in that. I don't understand why people have to get so defensive about it.

It's insecurity. I used to be this way.. when somebody disapproved of a viewpoint that I held very strongly, I assumed they disapproved of ME. It's not that way if it is two mature people.
(Which obviously is not the case most of the time... sadly.)
I like a good debate but at the same time I think if a person is going to let differing views build walls between them, when they could've been friends who bounced ideas off each other, and LEARNED from each other, then it's ... I don't know it's just sad.